Bobsleds, Cross country Skiers, and Bears, Oh My!

VANCOUVER (AFP) - Dozens of urbanized black bears are making life uncomfortable for residents of the coastal mountain suburbs of Vancouver in Canada's westernmost province British Columbia.

The number of complaints against black bears in north Vancouver have reached an all-time high of 1,200 so far this year, four times the number conservation officers received in 2004, which was itself a record year.

You can't really blame the black bears for the trouble it seems to cause. It's not the color of their fur. it's the low income of their area.

If you're a regular reader then you know that I've been on a campaign to kill all the bears for a while now. If you're not a regular reader but you know me personally, then you know that I'd think something like this up. If you're not a regular reader and you don't know me and you have a cute daughter between the ages of 17-40 then please let me have her.

I've always feared something like this would happen. I could be hanging out in front of the local middle school, minding my own business, and then BOOM, a fucking bear shoots me with an AK-47. That shit ain't cool. However, I think having a bunch of bears wandering around for the winter Olympics is pretty cool. I never cared about that particular brand of Olympics and I think throwing a polar bear on the ice with a figure skater would be pretty bitchin'. I bet Michelle Kwan could rassle a bear to the ground. She's like that you know.